The girl started crying as she finished, sobbing while pouring out her grievances, “I don’t understand anything, I can’t do anything if I don’t leave now I’m finished.”
Everyone came forward to console her – it’s okay, don’t worry about it, don’t mind. Compared to one person’s future, a performance was truly insignificant.
Song Cong was always the most rational one. He told Liao Xinyan, “There’s still time, if we really can’t find someone, we can change the formation.”
“Right,” Jing Qichi agreed, “Monitor, don’t stress too much, there are always more solutions than problems.”
The girl was crying fountains of tears, stuttering apologies, “I’m sorry… I know I’m letting everyone down… but I told you all first, I haven’t even told Teacher Xu yet…”
Liao Xinyan stood at the edge of the group, stared for a moment, then pulled Huan’er away, “Let’s go find your desk mate.”
“Du Man? We’re not that close,” Huan’er followed behind for a while, seeing Liao Xinyan’s rapid steps clearly showing she hadn’t calmed down, and hesitantly spoke up, “Hey, don’t blame her.”
For a long time, Chen Huan’er had been that type – not understanding, not comprehending, even stepping back to let others go first at the water fountain, feeling a step lower than everyone else. The scariest part wasn’t the grades that wouldn’t improve, but the self-denial that came from trying your hardest yet seeing no results. I’m stupider than others, I’m less talented than others, this is my fate and there’s no helping it – severe self-denial can destroy a person. At seventeen, the mind isn’t mature enough to accept the world’s myriad forms, nor can it support a temporary self that seems unsatisfactory only because its shining points haven’t been found yet.
Liao Xinyan stopped, and after a while slowly shook her head, “I understand.”
Class monitors seemed to all be like this – their grades might not be the best, but they were the most adult-like.
It was only then that Huan’er learned that Du Man had participated in aerobics competitions in middle school and won awards. With her solid foundation, she would be the best replacement.
Only three or five classmates were still having self-study, and the classroom was empty and quiet at night. Liao Xinyan called Du Man to the hallway, briefly explained the situation, and waited for a response while blinking her large eyes.
Du Man was silent for a moment, “Better not.”
“Come on, helping in an emergency is like fighting a fire,” Liao Xinyan said while signaling to Huan’er with her eyes. Huan’er received the signal and joined in pleading, “Think about it some more, there’s only a week left, it won’t take up too much time.”
“Yeah, practice is just during lunch and after evening self-study,” Liao Xinyan strongly persuaded, “You already have the foundation, you’ll learn quickly. Besides, the New Year’s Day show is such a good opportunity to perform – don’t you miss being on stage?”
Du Man looked at her as if making a decision, “I don’t like aerobics at all, and I hate performing. Sorry.”
She went back to the classroom after saying this, her silhouette as still as a statue.
Liao Xinyan leaned directly against the hallway wall, “It’s over, it’s over, what do we do now?”
Huan’er remembered the two girls from other classes who often came to find Du Man, one of whom was the exercise leader during class breaks. The three of them often chatted and laughed in the hallway, clearly long-time acquaintances. Du Man sat motionless at her desk for a long time, only using her left hand to rub that dark blue patch on the side of her right finger.
Doesn’t like it?
This year, everyone seemed to have learned to lie. I went to bed early last night, I didn’t study at all, and I didn’t write a single word for the last question. I was very healthy as a child, I hate aerobics so I won’t participate, I’m not rushing to finalize the performance for someone’s sake. Strangely, even though we clearly know how poorly crafted these lies are, we still tell them, as if finding a dignified excuse for the cowardly and incompetent self inside – we let that self be arrogant for a while.
The art of lying became increasingly sophisticated, yet the nature of the lies grew more complex.
In the end, Liao Xinyan had no choice but to step in herself to complete the performance. An energetic young girl with, a unique style of play, plus the presence of two big shots Jing Qichi and Song Cong – Class 5 won second place in the competition. Afterward, the group went to the milk tea shop at the school gate to celebrate. Liao Xinyan was a bit disappointed, feeling she had let everyone down by missing several moves. Jing Qichi comforted her, “The first place was a large-scale magic show – ask them how much they spent renting props first.”
A performing boy teased her, “Yeah, Monitor, you traded a few bucks for benefits for the whole class, be content.”
The prize was five boxes of canned coffee, carrying the school’s earnest hopes.
Everyone discussed funny moments from the performance. Jing Qichi nudged Huan’er, “Haven’t seen Qi Qi lately.”
“She’s busy with tutoring, probably trying to make a push for the finals,” Huan’er answered this way, but in fact, she wasn’t sure if her friend’s answer was true either.
Something had indeed started to change.
Thinking of this, she hugged her phone and sent a message: Qi, we’re all at the west gate of the school, have you gone back?
When they finished their milk tea, everyone said they were tired. Someone stood up, “Let’s disperse, still got homework to do.”
Until the end, Qi Qi never replied.