Is it difficult?
Yes, it is.
But how does this difficulty compare to the pain of being estranged from one’s children?
Dou Zhao recalled the myriad experiences of her previous life, a flicker of bewilderment passing through her eyes, while her heart was filled with more bitterness.
This parting might mean she and Song Mo would never have the chance to meet again.
Some things are better said clearly.
Dou Zhao didn’t want to leave Song Mo with regrets or pain.
Just as she had experienced in her previous life, being separated from her mother by death and unable to understand the reasons, she would often unconsciously speculate about her mother’s death, wondering if it had anything to do with herself. If Song Mo were to leave like this, in the years to come, when he thought about this incident, he would surely, like her in the past, be haunted by it for life.
She asked Song Mo, “You’ve been practicing martial arts since childhood. Did you find it difficult?”
Song Mo was somewhat surprised but thought for a moment and answered sincerely, “I didn’t find it difficult!”
“But watching you train in the depths of winter and the height of summer, we thought it looked very hard,” Dou Zhao continued, “Why didn’t you find it difficult?”
Song Mo pondered, “Perhaps because I believe in ‘reaping what you sow,’ so I didn’t feel it was difficult?”
“You started managing Yizhi Hall at such a young age. Did you find that difficult?”
Song Mo smiled, “I’m the heir of Duke Ying’s household. Managing Yizhi Hall is part of my duties. How could I find it difficult?”
Dou Zhao said, “Then after falling out with your father, you consistently had the upper hand. You must have felt quite pleased with yourself?”
Song Mo was taken aback.
Without waiting for his response, Dou Zhao continued, “I heard from Mr. Chen that since the Duke confined the Second Young Master to the main house to study, you’ve rarely seen him. Does that make you feel sad?”
Song Mo’s eyes widened, but he seemed thoughtful, vaguely understanding her meaning.
“That’s why I don’t find managing the household difficult,” Dou Zhao smiled at him. “We deal with problems as they come. It’s always the same issue, and even if mistakes are made, we find ways to remedy them. Playing the balancing act with the people in the East Mansion isn’t difficult either. They’re my blood relatives, just as I am theirs. If they respect me an inch, I’ll respect them a foot. Even if they might let me down, it’s only momentary heartache, and I’d only blame myself for misjudging people.”
She turned her head, gazing at the dappled shadows on the ground, and spoke softly, “When I was young, I always felt lonely without parents or siblings. As I grew up, I especially hoped for a companion, someone who would treat me well even if everyone else abandoned me. So even though I knew he had his faults, I was still willing to stay with him.” At this point, she smiled faintly at Song Mo, “Besides, I’m not without faults either. While I’m tolerating others, perhaps others are tolerating me too. But having someone by your side is always better than being alone, isn’t it?”
She must be referring to Wei Tingyu, Song Mo thought.
In the moonlight, her smile appeared so pale and thin, like an invisible hand tightly gripping Song Mo’s heart, making it hard for him to breathe.
“But blood ties are different,” Dou Zhao murmured, “Connected by flesh and blood, sharing the same breath… No matter what, it’s impossible to sever.” The faces of her children had long blurred in Dou Zhao’s memory, but the feelings of sorrow and joy they had given her remained etched in her heart. “When they hurt, you hurt; when they’re happy, you’re happy. You feel it in your bones. No matter where you go, no matter where you are, as long as you remember, you can never let go.”
Song Mo was deeply shocked.
Dou Zhao was afraid!
She was afraid of getting married!
What could have made her think this way?
Was it her birth mother’s death?
Or Dou Ming’s substitution in marriage?
Or perhaps the role the Ji family played?
He remembered that Dou Zhao and Ji Yong had grown up together!
This Dou Zhao made his heartache.
He thought of Chen Qushui, Duan Gongyi, and Suxin around Dou Zhao… Was this why she was surrounded by such skilled individuals?
He even recalled his father’s coldness towards him.
Song Mo seemed to return to that cold night, to that night as warm as spring, lulling one to sleep, yet closing one’s eyes meant facing the yellow springs of the underworld!
He couldn’t help but grab Dou Zhao’s hand and said, “Since you knew that if you were seriously ill, my father would certainly break off the engagement to save face, why didn’t you use this strategy before meeting me?”
Song Hei’s expression was very serious, surprising Dou Zhao.
“Is it because you thought that if you left this matter to me, I would surely give you a satisfactory resolution?” Song Mo asked solemnly.
Dou Zhao nodded.
That was indeed what she had thought.
No one knew Song Mo’s capabilities better than her.
If Song Mo could trick Song Yichun into proposing marriage to her in just a few days, he would certainly have a way to dissolve the engagement while allowing her to emerge unscathed.
Dou Zhao’s response made a strange light flash in Song Mo’s eyes.
“Then can you trust me once more, like you did before?” He looked at Dou Zhao earnestly, “Why don’t you marry me instead? Even if I’m not the best, I can still protect you completely!”
Dou Zhao was stunned.
She had already spoken so frankly, yet Song Mo still wanted to marry her?
Of course, she wasn’t conceited enough to think Song Mo had fallen for her.
Dou Zhao still remembered what kind of women Song Mo had around him in her previous life!
At that time, he was unorthodox and arrogant, without elders to restrain him, and even those women couldn’t win his heart enough for him to marry them. As for herself… not to mention that she was a year older than Song Mo, her personality, having become noticeably subdued after experiencing so much, was only good for keeping accounts and managing household affairs, or tending to crops and flowers. She was far from being witty or humorous, and couldn’t even be considered gentle and virtuous.
She blurted out, “Why?”