“Get up when I tell you to get up.”
Yang Wan, leaning in He Yu’s embrace, urged him.
Deng Ying was startled by her urging and hurriedly rose with thanks, “Yes, this servant thanks Your Highness.”
After speaking, he turned and bowed to Consort Ning, “This servant still has duties at the Bureau, and must take leave first.”
“Superintendent Deng, please stay.”
Deng Ying straightened up, “Does Your Majesty have further instructions?”
Consort Ning nodded at him, then bent down to speak to Yi Lang: “First help your aunt inside, Mother will follow shortly.”
“Yes.”
Yi Lang obediently agreed, gently taking Yang Wan’s hand, “Aunt, let’s go inside.”
Yang Wan held Yi Lang’s hand while walking, turning back to look at Consort Ning.
She could probably guess what Consort Ning wanted to ask Deng Ying, but Consort Ning never turned back to look at her.
Deng Ying watched until Yang Wan disappeared behind the screen before withdrawing his gaze and bowing to Consort Ning. “Your Majesty has questions to ask.”
Consort Ning stepped aside on the steps, “People come and go here. Please, Superintendent Deng, may we speak elsewhere?”
“Yes.”
Deng Ying followed Consort Ning into the front hall of Chengqian Palace. At this time, there was no one else in the front hall besides the two of them.
Consort Ning personally closed the door, turned to him, and said: “Superintendent, please sit.”
“This servant dares not. Your Majesty, please speak directly.”
Consort Ning turned to the side. The shadows from the brocade window gradually moved across her face. She was even fairer than Yang Wan, and those grayish-brown leaf shadows on her skin looked almost like dried blood scabs. She folded her hands in front of her abdomen, walked two steps closer to Deng Ying, knelt, and was about to perform a full kowtow.
Deng Ying quickly knelt and held Consort Ning’s arm, “Your Majesty must not.”
Consort Ning raised her head, “I know this violates palace rules and will put you in a difficult position, but my actions today have already placed my life and fate entirely in your hands. Please, you must hear me out.”
Deng Ying tried to help her up, “Let this servant help Your Majesty rise to speak.”
Consort Ning shook her head, slowly withdrawing her arm from Deng Ying’s hands, and looked up at him.
“I am very grateful that you saved Wan’er, and I understand that Zheng Yuejia cannot survive… Although I am not as clever as Wan’er, I am not a fool. Rest assured, I have no excessive expectations of the Superintendent, nor do I dare to make unreasonable requests of His Majesty. I just want… if possible, could I see him one last time?”
Deng Ying lowered his head, “Tomorrow this servant will bring him back to be held at the Inner Eastern Bureau, but for Your Majesty’s and His Highness’s sake, this servant cannot allow you to see him.”
Consort Ning said: “Just once, I want to say one thing to him.”
Deng Ying was silent for a moment but still shook his head.
“Even just once would not be good for Your Majesty.”
“Alright…”
Consort Ning’s eyes dimmed as she sighed, kneeling back and looking palely at the shadows on the ground.
“Just… pretend I never mentioned this.”
Deng Ying prostrated himself and kowtowed, “This servant has failed Your Majesty.”
Consort Ning looked at Deng Ying’s back and shook her head gently, “You and Wan’er have already done your best, you haven’t failed anyone. It’s just that I, who survived, feel unfulfilled. But…”
She looked toward the window shadows as she spoke, “I truly cannot let you all, along with my brother and Yi Lang, risk danger.”
Deng Ying straightened up, “Your Majesty, please be at ease. What Your Majesty has told this servant today, this servant will forget as soon as he leaves.”
Consort Ning smiled tightly, “You don’t need to forget. This matter between Zheng Yuejia and me has been in our hearts for almost ten years. Besides Wan’er, I’ve never told anyone. As for Yuejia, I don’t know if he ever mentioned it to you.”
Deng Ying shook his head.
Consort Ning sighed, “Yes… about him entering the palace for me, back then… only He Yixian knew. Ten years…”
Her voice began to choke up, “Superintendent Deng, I tell you this hoping you can understand what’s in Wan’er’s heart, and not be like Yuejia, who, unable to speak with me, never understood what I was thinking his whole life.”
As she spoke, she raised her hand to press the corners of her eyes, continuing dejectedly: “I liked him since I was young, collecting his calligraphy and reading his poetry. Later when I was older and met him, I found him to be a very good and proper man. If my father hadn’t sent me into the palace, perhaps we wouldn’t have ended up like this. But now, I don’t regret it. Looking after each other in the palace for ten years, though I never spoke a single word to him, just seeing him made me feel I could live peacefully, without thinking about His Majesty’s attitude toward me or getting entangled with other consorts. I never felt that liking Yuejia was something shameful. If only I alone were to be punished, I truly want to tell the world what’s in my heart. I wanted to be his dignity, not the sin he imposed upon himself, but I couldn’t…”
She paused here, her fingers gradually tightening on her knee, “So, I hope he regrets, regrets suffering such great punishment for me, regrets ending up in such a state for me. If there is a next life, I beg him to properly state his misfortunes before the King of Hell, cross the Bridge of Helplessness well, drink Meng Po’s soup of forgetfulness, and in the next life, forget me completely.”
Deng Ying looked at Consort Ning’s face. Like Yang Wan, she didn’t like to cry. When sad, her eyes would redden, but she would always hold back her tears. Yet her words were always more sorrowful than Yang Wan’s.
Deng Ying lowered his eyes and said softly: “This servant will help Your Majesty see him once.”
Consort Ning was startled.
“Is it possible?”
“Yes. Tomorrow at noon, the Bureau guards will bring him into the palace through the East Peace Gate, then pass through the East Glory Gate, past the Hall of Literary Glory. The young prince has lectured in the Hall of Literary Glory. Your Majesty can stand on the west side of the Hall to catch a glimpse of him, but cannot speak. He has injuries from torture so won’t walk quickly, but the guards cannot stop. Please don’t blame this servant.”
“Good… thank you.”
As she spoke, despite Deng Ying’s attempts to stop her, she insisted on bowing to him.
Deng Ying helped her stand, then stepped back and bowed, “I hope Your Majesty, no matter what will not show sorrow before His Majesty. The southern land clearing is not yet finished, and between life and death, Your Majesty please take care.”
Consort Ning nodded through her tears.
Deng Ying couldn’t bear to face her any longer and took his leave.