The medicinal fragrance was especially warm.
Yang Wan realized that when Deng Ying got a brief respite to recover, her own heart settled down too. She even thought about living a normal life, reading books with him, making some food, tidying up the house, and doing laundry.
Before, she had been so busy she couldn’t stop for a moment, believing that as long as she was still breathing, she had to crawl to the research room and library. She didn’t care what she ate as long as she didn’t starve and didn’t think about what to wear as long as she didn’t freeze. Today she suddenly wanted to find a mirror to check herself – carrying the medicine all this way, was her hair messy, had her hairpin shifted?
By the time she reached the city moat carrying the herbs, the snow had gradually stopped.
The midday yang energy had slightly gathered, and the sun managed to struggle out half its face.
Deng Ying’s door was open. When Yang Wan reached the doorway, she saw him half-kneeling on the ground, organizing books in a book chest.
Perhaps to make it easier to tend to his injuries, he wasn’t dressed very thickly. His wide sleeves were tied back with a cotton rope, exposing most of his forearms.
He didn’t know Yang Wan had arrived and was softly reciting text from the books while sorting them by category.
Yang Wan saw the pile of books tilting and couldn’t help saying:
“Eh? Be careful, the books on the table are about to fall!”
Hearing her voice, Deng Ying’s hand jerked, and all the books he had just stacked on the table scattered to the ground.
Seeing this, Yang Wan gave a helpless laugh, quickly put down the medicine she was carrying, and went over to help him pick them up.
“I’m sorry, I forgot to knock.”
Deng Ying blocked her hand saying: “You sit down, I’ll pick them up.”
Yang Wan didn’t listen to him, instead saying: “Don’t argue with me, I was trained by the Imperial Dressing Bureau. I may not be as good as you at other things, but I’m better at this kind of work.”
After saying this, she quickly categorized the scattered books.
“Why do you have so many more books here?”
Deng Ying crouched beside her helping, “Do you think I shouldn’t keep them?”
“No.”
Yang Wan continued sorting while saying: “Your previous quarters must have had many books too.”
After saying this, she picked up a neat stack and walked to the bookshelf, carefully arranging them.
“You passed the imperial examination at fourteen, how remarkable. When you were young and studying, you must have pushed yourself very hard.”
“Mm.”
Deng Ying remained crouching on the ground, looking up at Yang Wan’s back, “When I was young, I thought reading books would let me govern the country and bring peace to the world.”
Yang Wan craned her neck to check the book spines she had arranged, casually saying: “That statement is true no matter when.”
She turned around after speaking, patting the dust off herself.
Opening the medicine package on the table, “I helped you get next month’s medicine. Imperial Physician Peng said he added white angelica, it needs to be simmered half an hour longer.”
Deng Ying stood up and walked to the table, “Alright. But you don’t need to do this, my injuries are much better, I can get it myself.”
Yang Wan smiled, “I just happened to help you get it today. I came to see you because I wanted to do something else.”
“What?”
Yang Wan stepped back to sit at the table, looking around while rolling up her sleeves, “Li Yu said you were cleaning the room by yourself, so he asked me to come help you.”
Deng Ying was stunned, “Don’t listen to him.”
Yang Wan looked up and smiled, “Don’t ask him about it when he comes back, he’s afraid of you now.”
She covered her mouth and laughed, but Deng Ying seemed at a loss.
“Then… what about you?”
Yang Wan shook her head, “I’m joking. Living like this, isn’t it because you don’t want us to be afraid of you?”
Deng Ying was silent for a while, then lifted his robe to sit beside Yang Wan, seeming to want to speak but holding back.
Yang Wan asked softly: “Tell me, if you don’t say it, how can I guess?”
Deng Ying raised his head, “When I was injured, I allowed myself to offend you, so… no matter what I become in the future, you can do anything to me.”
Yang Wan’s heart softened, “I know, you’re in this position not for yourself, but for us, but you should also let yourself live a better life. You’re now a Secretary of the Ceremonial Department, and also a Factory Director. Even our superiors in the Imperial Dressing Bureau have to bow to you, let alone me. Saying such things to me now, aren’t you afraid of shortening my life?”
Deng Ying shook his head, “The oath I made to Master Yang, I’ve always kept it in my heart. Sometimes, I’m afraid I really will fulfill that oath. So Yang Wan, in front of you, I’ll atone for what I can. I said before, I can’t bear anything else, I can only ask for your pity.”
Yang Wan was silent for a while, looking at his arm resting flat on the table, she called his name, “Deng Ying.”
“Mm.”
“Does it make you feel better to live as if you’re a sinner?”
She had hit the mark but dared not delve deeper. If she said more, she feared she would hurt Deng Ying.
After his initial shock, Deng Ying slowly nodded, lowering his eyes to say: “With you, yes.”
After speaking, he avoided Yang Wan’s gaze, “If not like this, I wouldn’t dare face you, nor could I face Master Yang.”
“Alright.”
Yang Wan looked at him with a smile, “Then from now on, will you listen to what I say?”