A wanderer who has traveled too far from home will lose their own name.
When called forth again, it’s like an incantation that opens the heart’s door – under this name, you must honestly face yourself.
Xie Queshan had always resisted honesty, yet at this moment he found himself in a rare position of disadvantage.
He was actually somewhat pleased.
Beneath the curtains it remained extremely quiet, as if in a trance he could see the distance, where a single drop of water fell into a lake, stirring up countless layers of silent ripples.
Nanyi could hear her own increasingly heavy heartbeat.
Was she nervous about that answer?
Zhang Yuehui’s words circled vaguely in her mind – she had never looked at this matter from such an observer’s perspective before. Forget all emotions; words can deceive, and actions can too. Don’t look at what he said, but at what the results were.
The result was that she had safely escaped and even saved the Yucheng Army. How could someone like Xie Queshan, who calculated everything without fail, possibly leave her a thread of survival? Yet the jade bracelet had been broken by him precisely.
Thinking back to these details now, she felt there might be hidden mysteries within.
He had also rescued her from Guilai Hall and let her recover properly from her injuries. She could clearly feel that he wanted her to be well.
When they first met, she feared him, kneeling and looking up at him. When they met again, she only wanted to escape from him, yet was forced to stand beside him and meet his gaze at eye level. And at this moment, when her wings were full-grown and she could clearly soar high, she found herself solely looking down at his face, his eyes, wishing desperately to see through him.
What kind of person was he really? This was important. It related to why she had become the person she was now.
“Did you deliberately break the bracelet to let me go report to the Yucheng Army?” Fearing her question wasn’t clear enough, she asked again.
Even though this wasn’t a good time for frank honesty, she still couldn’t wait to ask.
Her voice was very soft and light, the urgent warmth of her words brushing against his ear.
Xie Queshan finally surrendered, guiltily avoiding her direct stare, though his face showed a hint of proud petulance: “Hmph, you do have some perception after all.”
Nanyi let out a long breath of relief – he had admitted it! She had thought extracting a single truth from his mouth would be as difficult as reaching the heavens.
“You scared me to death—” Realizing her voice had unconsciously grown louder, she quickly restrained herself and closed her mouth.
Xie Queshan’s voice contained suppressed low laughter: “The person has already left.”
Nanyi glared at him: “Then why don’t you let go of me?”
Xie Queshan looked at her with composed leisure, his hand still around her waist, saying: “I’ve already committed treason for glory, so even if I truly keep a beauty in a golden house, it wouldn’t be excessive, would it?”
Nanyi was dumbstruck. Had she lifted a rock only to smash her own foot? She couldn’t quite gauge what Xie Queshan meant – it seemed like teasing, yet seemed serious too.
She naturally thought of that most intimate contact, but it was an enormous mystery, mixed with complex and highly taboo feelings. She always subconsciously avoided it, not daring to probe deeply.
“That day… wasn’t it all fake?”
Xie Queshan stiffened slightly.
He had been teasing her, and couldn’t possibly truly keep a beauty in a golden house, yet he just couldn’t bear to let go. He was mesmerized by tonight’s romantic atmosphere, lingering at the edge of a dangerous boundary. And with one sentence, she yanked him right out.
Yes, wasn’t it all just an act? That insignificant bit of genuine feeling within the performance – why mention it to anyone?
“Of course it was fake.” He admitted frankly, gently loosening his hand.
Nanyi felt the palm on her waist move away, the restraint disappearing. Hearing him acknowledge that everything was fake, the burden pressing on her heart could finally be lifted. The kiss in the wooden cabin was also fake, that earth-shattering love was also fake – this was the most relaxing way to understand it, wasn’t it?
She hurriedly sat up, straightening her clothing.
Pretending there had been no joke in between, Nanyi naturally continued the previous topic, complaining in low tones: “You didn’t even coordinate with me beforehand. What if I couldn’t escape and really died in those mountains?”
“You wouldn’t die.”
He also sat up, and the two of them sat stiffly on the bed’s edge, both pretending nonchalance.
“…There should have been more thorough ways.”
“Didn’t you want to leave? If I had been thorough, you wouldn’t have been able to leave.”
Nanyi was stunned, asking incredulously: “You’re willing to let me go?”
“Yes, I’m letting you go.” His tone was calm, as if he had merely made an ordinary decision, yet his gaze lingered lovingly and reluctantly on her face.
Nanyi’s lips moved wordlessly, unable to speak for a long time. She was extremely shocked, more shocked than when she had confirmed he actually didn’t want to kill her.
She had thought he only cared about family, protecting Madam Gantang like he protected his third uncle, which was why he saved the Yucheng Army, while she was merely one link in helping him accomplish this. The fierce face he showed her was a kind of aftermath cleanup, fearing she would leak his secrets. After all, any one of these matters, if spoken of, could cost him his head.
She could understand all of this – she was just a chess piece of his. These days in this residence, she had also begun to accept this fact. Falling into his hands again this time, she feared it would be very difficult to escape. She had already prepared to match wits and courage against him, yet he said that on that night, his plan had actually included letting her go.
No, not just letting her go – that day, he had given her something even more important.
If that night she had truly drifted downstream to Jinling, she would still have been a duckweed living in constant fear, not knowing where to depend. But precisely because she saved the Yucheng Army, she gained greater power, becoming strong overnight.
“The same is true now,” Xie Queshan said slowly, “this is what I promised you.”
Nanyi wanted to cry.
She had always been someone unvalued, and she was used to it. She had once had a fleeting thought – if she were Xie Xiaoliu, she would harshly scold Zhang Yuehui, speak words of never forgiving him, and dashingly give him her back. But she wasn’t. Even after being hurt, even after the promise she had guarded for three years was declared a hoax, she still magnanimously forgave him.
Because she was accustomed to her position being such. She even subconsciously understood Zhang Yuehui – even if he had real, substantial feelings for her, she was indeed just an unremarkable wild girl. No matter how good she was, could she be better than overwhelming wealth? Could she be better than world-deceiving ambition?
Her first half of life had been spent being despised, lowering herself, constantly being despised, constantly lowering herself. Even though her circumstances were somewhat better now, some deep-rooted thoughts remained in the depths of her consciousness. Even she didn’t think that promises made to her needed to be kept.
Especially with Xie Queshan – he had too much capital to despise her, and with no written contract, spoken words could just be treated as hot air. But he hadn’t done that, not at all.
This was respect and courtesy far beyond everything.