This feeling was inexplicably frustrating.
She had thought Xie Ru He wanted to stay up for New Year’s Eve but couldn’t find anyone to keep him company, so he asked her. Although Shu Nian hadn’t explicitly agreed, she kept thinking about it and felt a kind of anxiety.
She tossed and turned, unable to sleep, constantly thinking about this matter.
She felt like he would be waiting.
Finally, she secretly got up, like a thief, afraid her mother would notice her movements. With great difficulty, she walked out to the courtyard and called him.
But it turned out he was sleeping.
Sleeping.
Shu Nian found it difficult to describe this feeling.
She felt a little disappointed, yet also a bit guilty for waking him up.
She let out a breath, crouched next to the wooden chair, curled up into a ball, and said softly: “Sorry, I didn’t know you were sleeping. It’s nothing, just wanted to wish you a Happy New Year.”
There was no response from the other end, just complete silence, not even the sound of breathing.
Shu Nian licked her lips: “You can go back to sleep…”
Xie Ru He asked: “Aren’t you going to sleep?”
Shu Nian stood up, stomping her feet on the spot because of the cold, her voice carrying a nasal tone: “I’m going to sleep now.”
“It’s almost midnight.” The phone was cold against her cheek as Xie Ru He’s voice came through the receiver, naturally cool in tone, “Wait a little longer?”
Shu Nian paused, made an “oh” sound, and crouched back down.
Perhaps hearing the wind on her end, Xie Ru He suddenly asked: “Are you outside?”
Shu Nian said in a small voice: “In the courtyard.”
“Aren’t you cold?”
Shu Nian was honest: “A little bit.”
Xie Ru He said: “Then why don’t you go back inside?”
Shu Nian didn’t know what excuse to give. There were crackling sounds in her ears, and she turned her head to see a family nearby setting off fireworks. Instinctively, she said: “Someone outside is setting off fireworks. It’s quite beautiful.”
Ten Yan Town was a small place where many things weren’t strictly regulated, unlike the city where fireworks were prohibited. New Year meant new beginnings, and according to tradition, people would set off fireworks to celebrate at this time.
Thin lines of light streaked across the sky, then exploded into one flower after another.
Most houses still had their lights on, welcoming the arrival of the new year.
There was movement on the other end of the phone.
Some rustling, then suddenly a loud thud, followed by the sound of a wheelchair moving and the sliding door being opened with a zip. The next moment, the sound of wind in her ears overlapped with the sound from the phone.
Xie Ru He said: “No one is setting off fireworks here.”
“They’re not allowed in the city,” Shu Nian looked at the sky and asked, “Did you have New Year’s Eve dinner today?”
“Yes, I went to my grandfather’s house.”
“I’m at my grandpa’s house too, sleeping in my dad’s room. My mom came to sleep with me.”
Xie Ru He made another affirmative sound.
Shu Nian asked: “Do you have any New Year’s wishes?”
“New Year’s wishes?”
“Yes.”
“…”
“No?” Not hearing his reply, Shu Nian tilted her head, eyes curved as she reminded him, “Do you remember, we used to stay up for New Year’s Eve together? I remember we hadn’t planned to stay up, but we just talked until it was midnight.”
Xie Ru He said: “I remember.”
“Back then, I talked about things I wanted to do in the future,” Shu Nian recalled. “I also said I wanted to buy you a cake and set off fireworks. But later…”
At this point, she stopped, not continuing.
Xie Ru He picked up where she left off, his tone very calm: “But last year you bought me a cake, and this year I wanted to take you to set off fireworks, but we couldn’t.”
Shu Nian pinched the hem of her clothes, not knowing what to say.
Xie Ru He asked: “Do you think we can be together next year?”
Next year?
Shu Nian was a bit dazed, feeling that there was some other meaning in his words, yet worried it was just her imagination. She swallowed, nervously lowering her head, murmuring: “I think…”
Everything around was quiet, making Shu Nian’s tiny voice amplified, dispersing with the wind, capable of blowing into someone else’s ears. As if afraid of being heard, she couldn’t help but lower her voice, very carefully.
“I think… we can.”
Shu Nian stayed in Ten Yan Town for about a week.
She didn’t go out much, and when she did, she was always with her grandparents. Grandpa Shu and Grandma Shu had lived here for decades and had friends everywhere.
Shu Nian was already twenty-three years old but still received dozens of red envelopes.