This time Xie Ruhe heard Shu Nian’s words, and the slight drowsiness that had remained instantly vanished. His lips parted slightly, with a few tufts of his fluffy hair sticking up like cowlicks.
Before he could react, Shu Nian slipped through the gap between Xie Ruhe and the doorframe, as if both awkward yet natural at the same time.
The air conditioning in this room was set very low, making it feel like a different world from the outside. Xie Ruhe had a habit of sleeping without lights, so it was both cold and dark inside.
Shu Nian used the light streaming in from outside to walk to Xie Ruhe’s bed, and silently but purposefully climbed onto it.
Xie Ruhe was still standing by the door.
Late at night, her sudden arrival.
Xie Ruhe couldn’t figure out how to react, feeling as if he were dreaming, his mind completely blank. The first thought that jumped into his mind was—Shu Nian is afraid of the dark.
The next moment, Xie Ruhe reached out and flipped on the light switch.
The light was a yellowish-white, bright like sunlight.
Shu Nian was wearing a beige cotton-linen nightdress that fell below her knees. Afraid of exposing herself, she deliberately tugged at the hem. She crawled to the position against the wall and obediently covered herself with the blanket.
Xie Ruhe quietly closed the door and locked it.
The room wasn’t particularly large, and the confined space seemed to amplify the current atmosphere, making even the smallest, barely perceptible movements clearer.
The “click” of the door lock, the sound of the wind gently tapping against the window, the breath exhaled by both of them.
Then, Xie Ruhe walked to the bedside table, picked up the remote, and turned the air conditioning temperature up a bit. He asked softly, “Are you cold?”
Shu Nian vaguely murmured in agreement.
The room once again fell into endless silence.
After adjusting the temperature, Xie Ruhe still stood in place, not lying down on the bed. He lowered his eyes, fiddling with the remote in his hand, lost in thought.
Shu Nian had half her face buried in the blanket, secretly looking in his direction.
She could only see his profile, softened by the lamplight, wearing clean casual clothes. Completely unlike the version of him in her dream.
If parallel universes existed.
If in that parallel universe, Shu Nian had chosen like in her dream.
Then now, in that parallel universe, Xie Ruhe.
Was he still endlessly searching for traces of Zeng Yuanxue, or was he already in that house, with despair and destruction, silently leaving this world?
She had always felt that death was the greatest relief for herself and others.
Feeling unable to go on, she chose death, losing all consciousness. Whether she was happy or not, whether he was sad or not, none of it would matter to her anymore.
Not knowing what would happen afterward.
Also not knowing that, in fact, those who remain alive experience no less pain than those who die.
Shu Nian’s nose stung. She pulled down the blanket and asked softly, “Why aren’t you sleeping?”
Xie Ruhe licked his lips, raised his hand to scratch his head, and spoke in a low voice.
“I will.”
After a few seconds, Xie Ruhe leisurely got into bed.
He looked at the pillow Shu Nian was leaning against, remembered the previous occasions in similar situations, and hesitantly yet instinctively placed his pillow between them.
“Xie Ruhe,” Shu Nian didn’t pay much attention to his action and suddenly said, “I just had a dream.”
Sensing her mood, Xie Ruhe didn’t ask what she dreamed about, only reassuring her: “Dreams are just dreams.”
“When I woke up, I knew it was fake,” Shu Nian stared at the ceiling. “I used to have a lot of bad dreams. When I woke up, I knew they were fake, but I would inexplicably start to fear that these things might become reality someday in the future.”
Xie Ruhe said earnestly, “They won’t.”
“But this time after waking up, I just felt, thankfully it was a dream, thankfully it was fake… I can prevent this from happening,” Shu Nian sniffled. “It’s the first time I’ve had this feeling.”
Hearing this, Xie Ruhe looked at her.
“I’m sorry,” Shu Nian raised her eyes, suddenly sitting up. “For saying those things to you today.”
She had been too unhappy.
The shame and self-doubt brought by others’ words entangled her like vines, eroding her rationality. She was in so much pain that she wanted to use her life to pay off a debt that didn’t even exist.
Thinking it would be better for both of them.
Yet she had forgotten that Xie Ruhe’s mother had experienced the same thing she had.
He had lost his mother because of Zeng Yuanxue.
He certainly couldn’t bear for such a thing to happen a second time.
Xie Ruhe reached out to stroke her head without saying a word.
“In the future, I’ll focus on getting better,” Shu Nian pressed her lips together and said seriously. “I won’t refuse the things the doctor asks me to do, or the treatment plans, because I’m afraid anymore.”
“…”
“I’ll try not to care about what others say, and I won’t hide from you like before.” Shu Nian raised her head, meeting Xie Ruhe’s gaze. She clenched her fists and expressed everything she wanted to say:
“I want to live with you, like normal people.”