That day came to such an abrupt end. From beginning to end, Wei Qingyue had barely glanced at her, hadn’t said a single word to her, and then slipped away through the crowd.
How could there be no gossip after this?
The food and rice were scattered all over the floor, a scene of complete disarray. Jiang Du asked the cafeteria worker for a broom and dustpan. Wang Jingjing was about to help clean up, but Lin Haiyang appeared from seemingly nowhere and grabbed them first to sweep.
“You two are as scrawny as little chicks. Let me do this.” Lin Haiyang held the mop, grinning — still the same person who loved to joke around.
It was only now that Jiang Du realized for the first time that Lin Haiyang always seemed to appear out of nowhere. It was quite peculiar.
The university entrance exam lasted two days. So consequential, and yet it unfolded like any ordinary day. The school gate was crowded with parents seeing students off; traffic police were there to maintain order; along the roadside, a long line of volunteer exam-day taxis were parked — a national event, but no matter how great the occasion, the sun that day was still the same sun, the sky still the same sky, indifferent to human affairs.
On the evening of the 8th, the first and second years resumed their evening self-study sessions. Throughout the teaching building, the lights blazed. The graduating third-year students stood on the upper floors and tore apart their books, pages fluttering down like snowflakes. Someone confessed their feelings loudly, shouting “So-and-so, I like you!” Someone else bellowed, “Farewell forever, see you again at Mei Middle School!” The air of freedom seemed to rush all at once before the eyes of the graduating students.
The entire teaching building was in complete chaos — no one supervising. The corridor railings were packed with first and second-year students watching the upperclassmen make a commotion. The lights reflected in their eyes; deep within their pupils were fragments of textbooks, unrestricted smiling faces, and an unspeakable envy.
There were very few people in the classroom — everyone had come out. Jiang Du and her seatmate Zhu Yulong both stayed in their seats without moving. Zhu Yulong held a small media player and watched a movie. Outside was too loud to study. She had a notebook she liked to use to transcribe film quotes.
Under the pressure of the university entrance exam, with internet access restricted and appearances restricted to only school uniforms, the young people’s hunger for outside information and spiritual nourishment was acute. Yet to be immersed in it at all times was a guilty pleasure. Only at moments like these could one watch a film with a clear conscience.
Jiang Du had no desire even for a film. She was organizing her humanities notes.
When she went to smooth down a strand of hair, she sensed Zhu Yulong seemed to be looking at her. Jiang Du raised her eyes, and Zhu Yulong met her gaze — still that same mild expression. She rarely spoke and looked difficult to get along with. Now Jiang Du knew that wasn’t so.
She smiled. Zhu Yulong did not smile back; her earphones were still on. She looked away and returned to her movie.
Jiang Du gave this small interlude no further thought — though she didn’t understand why Zhu Yulong had been staring at her.
“Do you have any?” Jiang Du suddenly noticed something was off. Her cycle had been a little irregular. She gently poked Zhu Yulong.
The girl took off her earphones: “What is it?”
“Do you have any? I think mine has come.” Jiang Du said in embarrassment. “I forgot to buy some. I’ll go get some tomorrow.”
“I don’t have any here, but I have some in the dormitory. Do you need it now?” Zhu Yulong pressed pause on her movie.
Jiang Du quickly shook her head: “It’s all right — can I borrow a couple after evening self-study? I’ll return them tomorrow.”
“Sure.” Zhu Yulong put her earphones back on. She didn’t offer the polite reassurance of no need to return them.
Jiang Du wanted to discuss something more, but the words reached her lips and she hesitated, swallowing them back.
Since returning to school, she had always been afraid of doing anything alone — going to the cafeteria, going to get hot water, going to the bathroom. As for the school gate, she didn’t dare take a single step outside. It felt as though countless eyes lurked in every corner, and the moment she appeared, those eyes would stick to her body like a layer of summer sweat — uncomfortable.
There were a lot of people outside. She needed to use the bathroom. She tore a long strip of tissue paper from her drawer, folded it into a thick square, and Jiang Du clutched it in her hand, steeling herself and heading out.
She moved quickly through the noisy crowd, head down like a thieving little criminal, Jiang Du wanting only to get to the bathroom as fast as possible.
The corridor was full of figures, so long — it seemed to have no end. But it always comes to an end eventually, doesn’t it? Jiang Du looked back and breathed out a deep breath. She tilted her face up and looked at the brightly lit teaching building, a scrap of paper brushing past her cheek.
I’ll have this day too. Keep going. She told herself silently.
The next day, the third-year students left the school, and the campus returned to order. During the large break for outdoor exercise, Jiang Du as usual did not participate and stayed in the classroom, agonizing over how to go to the school gate to buy sanitary products by herself.
She had barely summoned enough courage when Zhu Yulong came running breathlessly into the classroom. She looked at Jiang Du and said: “You’re going to the gate shop to buy those, aren’t you?”
Jiang Du was a little surprised and nodded.
“Give me the money — I’ll buy them for you.” Zhu Yulong’s face was flushed from running. “Don’t go to the school gate if there’s nothing urgent.”
“It’s all right, I can’t keep troubling you.” Jiang Du gently declined, giving Zhu Yulong a warm smile. “But thank you all the same.”
“Don’t go, Jiang Du.” Zhu Yulong’s expression became unsettled. “Let me go buy them for you.”
Jiang Du looked at her for a moment, then asked quietly after a while: “Is that person at the school gate?”
Zhu Yulong clearly hesitated, but still told her: “Yes. I heard the teachers say he was detained, but somehow he’s turned up at the school gate again raving. Don’t go out if there’s nothing urgent, and don’t respond to him.”
She knew everything — she understood exactly what this was about.
Jiang Du’s shoulders trembled faintly. She said nothing more, only took out the money and handed it to Zhu Yulong.
She suddenly felt a wave of nausea, covered her mouth, and after Zhu Yulong left, quickly went down the stairs alone.
At the bathroom, she shut the door quickly. But Jiang Du found that she couldn’t bring anything up at all. She crouched beside the toilet, where a splash of yellow urine had spilled onto the floor. She accidentally stepped in it and felt only that it was filthy.
Outside, it sounded as if a few girls had come in. At this time, music was blaring all across the campus. There were always people who used going to the bathroom as an excuse to slack off during outdoor exercise.
“Why is that man back again? It’s terrifying.”
“Right? Such a predator. This is making everyone uneasy. Why hasn’t that girl from the advanced humanities class transferred yet? As long as she stays, our school really can’t have any peace.”
“How could she bear to transfer — she worked so hard to get into Mei Middle School and into an experimental class. She won’t be willing to give it up. But what on earth is her mother’s story? According to what that predator says, it was her mother wearing a skirt deliberately seducing him, and then she turned around and accused him of rape. Could that really be how it was?”
“It’s possible. Otherwise, who would give birth to a predator’s child? I don’t understand. Whatever, it’s so annoying. My mum has also been very worried about me lately, coming to pick me up from school every Friday.”
“Same here. My mum has also been insisting on picking me up recently. I hope that girl transfers away soon — then we’d be safe. Lucky she’s not a boy; otherwise, if she inherited the predator traits, that’s really frightening.”
“Right, exactly. Oh, by the way — those two days the exam was on, I was on vacation at home and got caught by my mum playing on the computer. She scolded me terribly. Once the exam is over, I’m going to stay up all night every single night.”
“Ha, that’s my plan too.”
Voices chatting, voices laughing, faucets turned on then turned off. Every sound, Jiang Du heard with perfect clarity. The bathroom grew quiet again. It was as if something went plunk and sank to the very bottom — gray, cold, dim. And then tears fell from her eyes without warning.
In all her years of life, she had imagined her father and mother ten thousand times. Not once had it been like this.
Ugly. Repulsive. Just like the puddle of urine beneath her feet.
She felt she had become like that too.