When they reached home on the electric scooter, Zhou Wan parked it in a space nearby, and locked it up again, costing four yuan.
“Thank you for taking me out today.”
Zhou Wan stood before Lu Xixiao, looking down at the hoodie she wore, “I’ll wash this and return it to you.”
“Mm.”
Lu Xixiao responded casually, then noticed the gloves she was wearing and slightly furrowed his brows, “Never mind.”
“What?”
“Don’t wash it,” he said flatly, “I don’t want it back.”
Zhou Wan froze for a moment, and pressed her lips together, thinking this was reasonable since she had stained his clothes with her tears earlier: “…Then let me buy you a new one.”
“No need.” Lu Xixiao yawned, appearing disinterested, and raised his hand, saying offhandedly, “Trade it for this instead.”
On his wrist was her hair tie that he had removed earlier.
Zhou Wan paused: “Huh?”
The price difference was too great…
But Lu Xixiao had that look like he couldn’t be bothered to discuss it further.
He wasn’t short of money for clothes, and pressing the issue would probably just annoy him.
He raised an eyebrow: “Aren’t you going in?”
“I am.”
Zhou Wan turned and ran into the apartment building, escaping the damp cold air outside.
She suddenly remembered something and stopped, looking back.
Lu Xixiao was still standing there, the yellow streetlight casting mottled circles of light on him and the ground, his expression blank, distant, and aloof.
He had two completely contrasting qualities about him – one side carefree and unrestrained, the other detached and remote.
Zhou Wan stood still and waved to him again, saying “goodbye.”
Though her voice was soft, he probably couldn’t hear it.
Lu Xixiao watched her, hands in his pockets, looking casual and lazy.
Zhou Wan thought he probably wouldn’t wave back to her.
But after two seconds, Lu Xixiao took out his hand, waved once, and put it back, his expression unchanged throughout.
*
When she got home, Grandmother was already asleep. Zhou Wan didn’t plan to tell her about today’s events – it would only add to her worries.
Although Lu Xixiao said he didn’t want the hoodie back, Zhou Wan still washed it and hung it on the balcony.
Her skin was delicate – turning red at the touch of cold water, developing red spots when exposed to cold wind, and breaking out in a rash from contact with laundry detergent.
Zhou Wan looked at the rash on the back of her hands and put the gloves back on.
Sitting at her bedside, her mind began to circle back to what Dr. Chen had said today.
That feeling of both familiarity and strangeness swept over her again, like a venomous snake flicking its tongue, coiling around her entire body until she was completely submerged, sinking into darkness.
Zhou Wan closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
She could not forgive Guo Xiangling.
She had never hated someone so much before.
Even if she had to fall into the abyss, she would drag Guo Xiangling down with her.
Dad would go to heaven, but Guo Xiangling couldn’t.
As for Lu Xixiao―
Zhou Wan remembered how he looked that time she visited his home.
Dejected and lonely, exploding at any mention of his mother.
Like someone’s trauma response after being hurt.
At his core, he was probably starved for love.
Although many girls liked him, he didn’t need any of that.
So what did he need?
Zhou Wan recalled various past events and the mixed evaluations others had of him.
She thought that Lu Xixiao probably didn’t enjoy solitude – even with his naturally cold demeanor, loneliness would make him dwell on past pain, so he could tolerate the noise and chaos, and didn’t reject romance.
Not because he particularly liked it, but because he was seeking a temporary shelter to escape and blind himself to the painful memories of being alone.
So she would stay with him.
Without making a fuss, just being there when he needed someone, not letting him feel lonely.
Try to be as good to him as possible.