I went back and quit my job.
The electronics factory didn’t pay much, but the work was simple and included room and board. Six of us girls squeezed into the dormitory gossiping and cooking hotpot. The days passed happily.
My sisters were very reluctant to see me go. They said, aren’t you silly? Isn’t it nice here? Why quit before finding your next job?
“I need to go earn money!” I said.
Having money is such a wonderful thing. I used to think that as long as I could support my grandmother and myself, that was enough.
As for the luxury cars and villas on TV, those were other people’s lives. I had no feelings about them.
It was Cheng Xia and his family—driving out for excursions, eight-hundred-yuan-a-night mountain view rooms, bouncing children and puppies—that awakened my endless ambition and desire.
I wanted to have money, wanted this kind of clean, bright life.
But at the electronics factory, with a monthly salary of less than two thousand yuan, it was just barely enough to support my grandmother and me.
There was no room for promotion. At forty years old, I’d still be making the same salary.
Unless I could truly burn my bridges and improve my education level. However, work consumed eighty percent of my time, and I couldn’t save enough money to study full-time.
This was a dead cycle.
I had to find a job with higher pay to break free from this cycle.
Even if it was harder and more exhausting, I wanted to fight for a future for myself, a possibility.
When I left, Zhong Ping saw me off. She said, “Little sister, you’re going to suffer a lot in the future… but I truly envy you.”
I only had an adult self-study diploma. Finding a high-paying job with promotion opportunities was very difficult. Cheng Xia spent an entire afternoon screening through job recruitment apps and selected several positions.
“You can look at sales positions, like cosmetics counter staff—low base salary but with commission. You could also try being a receptionist at a big company… Oh right, you could actually try being a Taobao model. It’s an emerging industry, just not sure how reliable it is…”
I looked down at the several positions he had circled and said, “I still want to enter a construction company.”
“That’s very difficult. Big companies generally have education requirements, and you’d definitely have to go to construction sites. You’re a girl…”
“I want to try.” I said.
That was an era when real estate had not yet declined. Construction units were bustling everywhere. Although I studied civil engineering because I stupidly couldn’t distinguish between architecture and civil engineering, at that time, it was an extremely popular major.
But submitting my resume wasn’t smooth.
Either they would flip through the resume and mutter, “Oh, self-study diploma? I thought it was an undergraduate degree. What a waste of time.”
Or they’d look both amused and exasperated. “Such a pretty girl working on construction sites? What were you thinking?”
I smiled cheerfully. “It’s fine. I heard that after two months on a construction site, even the prettiest girl becomes a man.”
They would laugh heartily.
But there was never any follow-up.
Meanwhile, Cheng Xia had already been guaranteed admission to graduate school and was preparing his thesis.
I shuttled alone through those cold office buildings, smiling until my cheeks were stiff.
This was the first time I directly felt my own insignificance in this society. I didn’t have this certificate, didn’t have that certificate. Interviewers smiled at me as if looking at a mischievous child.
A child with nothing, yet wanting to climb a big tree to pluck the moon.
On what basis?
The interviews weren’t going well, that little bit of money was running out, next month’s living expenses for Grandma weren’t settled yet, and my dad kept calling me asking how much money I could contribute for my little brother’s schooling.
The last interview was in a very run-down office building, but it was genuinely a subsidiary of a state-owned enterprise.
It was a Friday. Heavy rain had been falling since midnight. I lost my footing and took a tumble, covered in mud spots.
There was still some time before the interview. I went to the restroom, took off my clothes and washed them clean, then went to a nearby hotel to borrow a hairdryer. I put the clothes in a plastic bag and blew air into the bag’s opening.
This could make clothes dry faster. When I was in school, I didn’t have many changes of clothes, so I did it this way.
Although it wasn’t completely dry, damp was better than dirty.
The interviewer was a middle-aged leader. After asking some interview questions, he suddenly made small talk. “I saw you when I came in earlier. Do you have OCD?”
I was stunned for a moment before realizing he was probably talking about me washing my clothes.
“Not really.” I said. “I just wanted to look a bit cleaner.”
He said, “If you love cleanliness, you can’t do this work.”
I froze. I hadn’t prepared for this question at all. The atmosphere became awkward.
He lowered his head to drink water and waved his hand to indicate I could leave.
I stood up, desperate inside, but still wanting to make one last struggle.
“Leader, about this matter, it might be different from what you think. Because my grandmother makes a living collecting scraps. You see, if a girl from a well-off family gets her clothes dirty, people won’t think it matters. But for me, people immediately associate it with, ‘Ah, her family collects scraps.’ So maintaining a decent image outside has become a habit for me.”
I took a deep breath. “So, if you feel my education and other aspects aren’t very good, that’s normal. But I truly grew up at the very bottom. I’ve seen the dirtiest and most exhausting work. I don’t want you to have a misunderstanding about me.”
He looked up at me and said, “I understand. Go back and wait for notification.”
The rainstorm continued for several days. On the day after the rain cleared, I went to find Cheng Xia.
He hurriedly ran over from the dormitory, his hair blown messy by the sea breeze, revealing his smooth forehead.