Xia Ruyun had set her alarm to wake her up at the crack of dawn. As it rang though, she realized she had ended up sleeping on the couch. Dragging herself upright, she texted Li Feiling a quick [Thank you for putting a blanket over me] before running through her morning routine. Once done, she gave herself a quick look over and left for the lower floors.
As she left—and before the door closed—her hand came back through the crack between the door and its frame. It grabbed the pepper spray left from the night before disappearing and letting the door close with a click.
She made her way downstairs, bidding a few of the other cast and crew members a good morning. Given Gao Qian had her hands full writing reports to the agency for all her clients, Xia Ruyun hitched a ride with a few cast members to the set. Silent along the way, she kept her eyes peeled for a certain blond man.
After thanking the cast members and splitting up with them, she spent a few minutes waking up and eating breakfast at the set. No one had seen Wu Linjie so far, but his car sat in the set’s parking lot already.
Where could he be...
Most of the movie’s shooting took place in a certain nature preserve just outside of K City. Zhang Jingsong, the director, had rented out the space and blocked the public from it. Among the areas rented out though, a few stood out in her mind as being worth checking...
And so she wandered.
A hiking trail at the top of a hill? Not there. The shady half-cave area by a river? Nope. A picturesque clearing in the forest? Not there either. A grassy hillside perfect for picnics? Not there either. The glassy, mirror-like pond? Not...
“Hmm?” Xia Ruyun whispered to herself as she saw a figure hunched by the water’s edge. She took slow steps forward, and as she approached, she heard the faint sound of expletives between dry sobs.
Her hand drifted towards her pocket. Her fingers traced out the pepper spray as she closed the distance. Seeing no reaction, even as the crunch of rocks beneath her shoes alerted Wu Linjie of her presence, she crouched down beside him by the water’s edge.
Over the course of a couple minutes, Wu Linjie’s mumbles came to a stop. He ended up falling backward, going from a hunched over position to a sitting one. His feet, somehow too, ended up in the water. “W... Why are you here? Xia Ruyun?”
“Worry,” Xia Ruyun replied as she continued crouching beside him. She reached out and her fingers skimmed against the water’s surface. “You don’t seem to be doing so great... I’m here if you want to talk about it...”
“I don’t know...” Wu Linjie’s voice cracked as a couple tears rolled down his cheeks. “I don’t know. You already know what happened, don’t you?”
“... Yeah, I was there when you asked for the meeting,” Xia Ruyun decided to dance around her and Li Feiling’s late night conversation. “I’ll listen to whatever you want to talk about though.”
A quiet silence filled the air between them as Xia Ruyun kept watch over Wu Linjie as he gathered his thoughts. By now, his body’s fluid levels had begun to run low, but his face still had marks of unwiped anguish. Getting offered some tissues, Wu Linjie took it while croaking a “Thank you.”
Wiping the snot, spit, and tears strewn across his face, Wu Linjie stayed silent for another few minutes. The morning sun cast its rays against the water as Xia Ruyun waited. With a mild morning breeze, the pond sent small ripples crashing against the stones at its edge.
After a while, Wu Linjie cracked his lips open. “It hurts a lot, you know? I don’t even know why. Maybe because I’ve liked her for so long... I’ve liked her for three years now. That feels crazy to say too. I’m twenty-three now, I’ve liked her since I was twenty! And... yet here’s how it ended up.”
No words came to Xia Ruyun’s mind. She could only offer a gentle smile and pat him on the back. “... Yeah, I’m... sorry you feel that way.”
Under the comfort of Xia Ruyun, Wu Linjie couldn’t help but bury his face into his arms as helpless laughs slipped through his lips. “She wasn’t even my first love either! You know who it was? It was you! It was... you. How ironic is that? Don’t worry, I don’t harbor any feelings towards you anymore.”
After the sudden confession, Xia Ruyun opened and closed her mouth a few times, but no words came out. She blinked. She shook her head. She could only fiddle with her hands and muster a quiet, “I... I see.”
She continued listening though. Here and there, she’d make a comment to signify her engagement, but Wu Linjie dominated the conversation. He poured his heart out until his voice became hoarse.
“Honestly... as time goes on, I sometimes doubt my feelings towards Li Feiling. I think I love her, I wouldn’t confess otherwise, but... you know... self-reflection...
“She was the first woman I really managed to talk with at length... we just... clicked in a way... Over several projects, she’s always been a guiding hand to help me with my acting.
“A real genius you know, I... I really respect her in that way.
“Though our relationship hovers between teacher and student and friends, I always felt a warmth with her. I first got into the acting industry because of my looks, a couple agents scouted me for advertising shoots. But she helped me go from just a face to someone with actual skills.
“Even more, it’s been exacerbated recently with my struggles with the rest of the cast. Though I have a fair amount of friends, I’m not as much of a party person as they are. Because of that, I’ve struggled to connect with them..."
He opened his heart, and Xia Ruyun took it all in. She did her best to navigate with care, ensuring each word she spoke didn’t end up tenderizing his raw heart.
Forty-five minutes later, their conversation began wrapping up. Wu Linjie, who had seemed to regain some life in his eyes, yawned as he stared off into nature. “Thanks for listening... Xia Ruyun.”
Nodding, Xia Ruyun reached over and just patted him a couple more times.
“... Thank you,” Wu Linjie stared down at his feet. By now, they had gotten an extended soak in the pond. He paused, his breath hitching a bit.
Xia Ruyun, raising an eyebrow, crouched back down from her halfway standing-up position. She squatted in place as her legs tingled, her eyes unperturbed as she watched Wu Linjie fall back into his thoughts.
“You know, I thought about something stupi... no, a lot of stupid things today,” Wu Linjie’s voice cracked one more time as he reached over and dipped the tips of his fingers into the water. “I didn’t sleep at all last night. Not a wink. And believe me I tried. I was tormented after I visited a forum. They... They really advise some crazy things on there. I didn’t even know those types of people were real. By morning, I... I was in a dark place.”
With Xia Ruyun reaching over and rubbing his back, he seemed to pull off a combination of coughing, crying, and sneezing at the same time. “I really don’t know how I ended up there. I realize my interactions with the women on set can be awkward, and even creepy at times, but I don’t mean it like that. I just... haven’t had the chance to talk to a lot of girls in a context outside of work. This morning though, I don’t think I ever genuinely considered it, but just the thought of it kept swirling in my mind. I just... I just couldn’t stop thinking about it...”
He cleared his throat while gasping for some air. “Then, as I walked out from my car to the set... I... well, I don’t know how, or why, but something broke. The thoughts evaporated as I watched people drink their coffee. It was... replaced. Replaced by an unfaltering sorrow. So before anyone saw me, I just walked off. I ran into the forest. I cried uncontrollably. Just wailed my heart out to the pond... Obviously you’ve helped a lot since then, but... well... I didn’t know that existed in me, I feel... extremely guilty, you know?”
“It’s okay to feel bad, and it's understandable, but, remember, you didn’t do anything truly harmful. You didn’t bring a person, a weapon, or get anything illegal. Your rationality, reason, and uprightness remained, even during your darkest moment,” Xia Ruyun reassured. “And that’s a demonstration of your character. So, even if you did mess up, misspeak, or consider dark things, don’t drag yourself down too much. You’re still the Wu Linjie we all want to see do well.”
Wu Linjie continued speaking, but through the bumbling jumble of words, Xia Ruyun managed to decipher his meaning... probably? She handed him another few tissues, very glad that she had switched her pack for a new one the night prior. “It’s... it’s okay, emotions are like that.”
“... Yeah,” Wu Linjie sighed, looking back up and off into the distance. “Yeah... yeah.”
Together, the two of them stayed at the pond for another ten minutes in silence as Wu Linjie caught his breath and calmed back down.
By the end, Xia Ruyun stood up, checking the time. She offered a hand and helped Wu Linjie to his feet—and out of the pond. “Come on. Let’s go back to the set. I’ll talk to Director Zhang, so take the day off. Get some sleep.”
“Thank you,” Wu Linjie murmured as he brushed his hair back and composed himself. “Sister Xia.”