Perhaps it was because time accelerates one’s memories, but looking back now, it was indeed as the neighbors in Shun Yun and the villagers from their hometown said – Qiao Bai Yu’s passing was “sudden.” However, Qiao Qing Yu didn’t agree with this word at the time. Qiao Bai Yu was hospitalized on the winter solstice before Christmas, and when their parents brought back her urn, it was already after the Lantern Festival, spanning nearly two months.
During the first month, Qiao Qing Yu not only had to deal with final exams but also had to take care of Qiao Jin Yu in place of their parents, cooking and doing laundry every day. The second month was spent enduring an unusually torturous winter break at their grandparents’ village house. As the family most praised in the village for their strict discipline and harmonious propriety, every family member had to wear their grief on their faces at all times – otherwise, outsiders would consider them heartless. Like all the glum-faced adults, Qiao Qing Yu didn’t dare show a single smile throughout the entire winter break, feeling guilty at the slightest hint of relief. Therefore, for the fourteen-year-old second-year middle school student Qiao Qing Yu, those days without her parents felt exceptionally long.
Even now, Qiao Qing Yu still doesn’t know the exact day her sister drew her last breath. Her parents never mentioned it, and it couldn’t be asked. After Qiao Bai Yu’s death, her name became an unspoken taboo in the family. But for outsiders, it was different – Qiao Bai Yu became the Qiao family’s label.
“Yes, that torn-down photo at the photo studio was their eldest daughter. She was very beautiful, but soon after going to Huan Zhou…” Qiao Qing Yu would hear people say.
“Poor thing, if it weren’t for wanting a son, Old Qiao would still have his iron rice bowl job, and his wife could’ve found any work. The family of three would’ve lived much more comfortably than now!” Others would say.
“What man doesn’t like beauty? Even if the eldest daughter wasn’t well-behaved, with her looks, she could’ve easily married a rich man and helped her younger siblings…” Such judgments were not uncommon.
Sometimes adults would stop Qiao Qing Yu on her way to or from school, inquiring whether Qiao Lu Sheng had gone to Huan Zhou again to file lawsuits. Besides brief nods or shakes of her head, Qiao Qing Yu didn’t know how to respond to their prying eyes. Occasionally, as she turned away, she would hear whispers like, “That’s the second daughter, pretty too, but when standing next to her sister… don’t worry about the second daughter, she’s well-behaved…”
In others’ mouths, she seemed like a dim moon, only existing by borrowing her sister’s radiant sunlight. Qiao Qing Yu couldn’t pinpoint when she started minding this, but she had always been clear about her motivation for studying hard: to accomplish what her sister couldn’t.
So she was self-disciplined, sensible, and undemanding. In other words, she was boringly well-behaved at school, utterly lacking personality.
Thinking about Qiao Bai Yu’s sudden departure, Qiao Qing Yu felt an inappropriate sense of envy. In her memory, Bai Yu had never given their parents peace of mind, and even her death was dramatic and impactful. Though she didn’t approve of Bai Yu’s outlandish behavior and conduct, she secretly envied her sister’s courage to live freely and casually.
Qiao Qing Yu was tired of being well-behaved.
She yearned to be a person with a distinct personality. Of course, this had to be premised on not angering her parents or affecting her studies.
Tomorrow would be the first day of school at an enviable super middle school. It was time to embrace a new life-
School finally started.
Class 5 of Senior Year 2 was formerly Class 6 of Senior Year 1, except the humanities students had left, replaced by science students from Classes 3, 7, and 9 – these three classes from Ming Sheng High’s first year had been disbanded and transformed into humanities classes.
Compared to completely unfamiliar faces, Ming Sheng’s arrival excited Class 5 more. Qiao Qing Yu felt this was heaven’s special treatment – she didn’t want to repeat the pattern from Shun Yun No. 1 Middle School, becoming a topic of gossip among classmates.
When the all-knowing landlady called her “eldest daughter,” it meant people here knew nothing about Qiao Bai Yu. Though Qiao Qing Yu felt guilty inside, her desire for a clean slate overshadowed everything. “It was Mom and Dad who actively erased sister from our lives,” she consoled herself. “Everyone wants to live simply and easily, doesn’t dwelling on the past serve no purpose?”
So when she made her first friend at school, Jiang Nian, she contentedly followed her parents’ example and erased Qiao Bai Yu’s existence in front of Jiang Nian.
“Do your parents favor boys over girls?” Jiang Nian was straightforward, asking while chewing her food. “Otherwise, why would they have your brother?”
Qiao Qing Yu instinctively defended her parents: “My parents had no choice, but they’re very good to both me and my brother.”
“Wasn’t there the one-child policy? How could they have two children?” Jiang Nian wondered.
Qiao Qing Yu felt somewhat guilty under the questioning – there was no doubt her parents fundamentally favored sons over daughters; otherwise, her father wouldn’t have traded his iron rice bowl state enterprise job for a son.
“I don’t know, but my parents value me more, my brother’s grades are very poor,” she quickly replied.
Fortunately, Jiang Nian didn’t pursue the topic. She lightly kicked Qiao Qing Yu, hunched her shoulders, and lowered her excited voice: “Hey, A-Sheng just looked back at you!”
Qiao Qing Yu knew Ming Sheng sat not far behind her to the right, and earlier while chatting with Jiang Nian, the group of boys’ animated conversation from that direction had been fluctuating background noise. She tried to catch Ming Sheng’s voice but failed; that guy seemed to have remained silent. Just after Jiang Nian said Ming Sheng had looked at her, the background noise suddenly went mute, and Qiao Qing Yu’s heart leaped.
“Here he comes,” Jiang Nian quickly announced.
A tall figure suddenly dropped into the empty chair beside her with a “thump,” making Qiao Qing Yu’s shoulders jump in surprise.
It was Ming Sheng’s close friend in class, the boy who had been appearing and disappearing together with Ming Sheng like conjoined twins these past two days – Ye Zi Lin, the spoiled rich second-generation.
“New classmate, Qiao-Qing-Yu,” Ye Zi Lin grinned, the flesh on both sides of his round face bunching together, “please stand up for a moment.”
Qiao Qing Yu looked at him, her eyes full of confusion and wariness.
“It’s like this,” Ye Zi Lin cleared his throat formally, “you see, over there, we have seven boys total, and we’re voting for the class beauty. Right now it’s three to three, you’re tied with Deng Mei Xi! Guess who hasn’t voted yet?”
Qiao Qing Yu remained silent, feeling inexplicably ashamed.
“Hey, let me tell you a secret,” Ye Zi Lin leaned in closer, speaking frivolously in a low voice, “I voted for you.”
Qiao Qing Yu unconsciously leaned away.
“Only A-Sheng hasn’t spoken up,” Ye Zi Lin said, throwing a knowing look at Jiang Nian, then turned his head back to Qiao Qing Yu, suddenly raising his voice, “A-Sheng doesn’t know you well yet, stand up and turn around, let him see you, smile at him, he likes girls who look pretty when they smile…”
The group of boys behind them laughed unevenly. Qiao Qing Yu’s ears flushed red, and she stiffly turned her head to the other side, showing her displeasure at being insulted.
Ye Zi Lin jumped up, circled to the other side, and plopped down again. Qiao Qing Yu quickly turned her head back, resolutely presenting the back of her head to him.
“Hey~ new classmate, don’t be like that, I’m here on a mission, give me some face-“
The boys laughed again, and someone whistled. The commotion grew, and other people in the cafeteria started looking their way.
“You’re crazy!” Jiang Nian cursed angrily, “You’re all so childish!”
Ye Zi Lin ignored her, continuing to plead with Qiao Qing Yu. A boy speaking nicely beside her while she stubbornly turned her head away – the scene looked awkward from any angle. Her ears were buzzing, and the enormous sense of humiliation left Qiao Qing Yu frozen.
“…think about it, if A-Sheng votes for you, then you’ll be his appointed class beauty, this honor…”
“I don’t want it.”
Ye Zi Lin froze, then changed his expression: “Acting so high and mighty…”
“I don’t like flowers,” Qiao Qing Yu tried to sound calm, “it has nothing to do with Ming Sheng, and I don’t need your judgment.”
“Damn! I’ve seen it all!” Ye Zi Lin shouted sarcastically, “Who do you think you are!”
At that moment, Qiao Qing Yu felt she had taken a wrong turn. Although maintaining one’s individuality meant having a personality, she had been too aggressive. What was her tiny sense of self-worth in front of Ming Sheng’s formidable group? Pursuing individuality shouldn’t mean antagonizing these people.
Ye Zi Lin went back cursing and muttering. Qiao Qing Yu continued eating her rice while listening to Jiang Nian’s quiet consolation.
“Ye Zi Lin is just like that, relying on his family’s money, he especially disrespects people…”
Qiao Qing Yu looked up with a weak smile.