The night of Cen Jin’s 29th birthday became an unforgettable moment in her life, though seemingly uneventful on the surface.
Even though both she and Li Wu kept silent about what happened in the following days, those few minutes in the bathroom, when she fell into the youth’s eyes, remained weightless and surreal for Cen Jin. It felt like sinking into warm water, wave after wave washing over her head—this kind of romantic stirring, whenever she recalled it, always created ripples in her heart.
Cen Jin admitted to herself that she was somewhat moved.
But the origin of these feelings wasn’t pure. She hadn’t been in such proximity to a man for so long that she’d grown barren and desolate, lacking the spark of attraction or the gentle nurturing of spring rain.
Yet it was also because of this night that Cen Jin lost her confidence, realizing she couldn’t maintain proper boundaries.
Worried about more potentially inflammatory situations, Cen Jin decided to minimize her time alone with Li Wu.
Fortunately, the young man had started learning to drive and spent most of his day away from home. She could also walk and take care of herself now, gradually returning to work, no longer idle with wandering thoughts all day.
Li Wu’s reaction matched hers—he stopped disturbing her frequently, no longer popping into her room for any and every reason like before.
Cen Jin guessed that her rejection that night had hurt him, along with her intentional and unintentional distancing lately. Li Wu had always been a sensitive boy, keenly aware of changes in his environment and responding most appropriately.
Their dynamic reverted to that of their middle school weekends—they would talk, but both carefully avoided intimate glances and touches.
Pandora’s box had barely cracked open before their relationship, after reaching a peak, subsided—or rather, was deliberately sealed shut.
Cen Jin wasn’t skilled at ambiguous relationships, and neither was Li Wu.
They were both hard-shelled creatures with strong self-defense mechanisms, only trusting in the sufficiently gentle yet perilous intimacy of full vulnerability.
The sudden progression in their relationship had backfired—unexpected, yet somehow predictable.
Regardless, Cen Jin felt ashamed. She had spoken big words first and lost composure first; she felt sorry.
After passing his Level 3 driving test, Li Wu was approaching the start of university. Unable to maintain his presence before Cen Jin, he grew anxious to the point of losing sleep and appetite.
The night before leaving for university, he couldn’t sit still and sent her a WeChat message, asking with unusual directness: “Do you still let me like you?”
When she received the message, Cen Jin’s heart caught, then filled with tender pain: “Our one-year agreement hasn’t ended yet.”
They both still felt awkward about that night: “I didn’t mean to that night on your birthday.”
Cen Jin stared at these words for a long time before responding frankly: “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not angry about it.”
Li Wu said: “But I feel like you don’t want to talk to me anymore.”
Cen Jin apologized: “I just don’t know how to handle it properly. I’m sorry.”
Li Wu asked: “You still see me as a little brother, right?”
Cen Jin sighed: “I promised you, not just as a little brother.”
The youth wasn’t foolish. Within seconds, he pointed out mercilessly: “But as soon as there’s any hint of crossing boundaries, you withdraw.”
Cen Jin was moved and replied honestly: “Yes, I’m a bit like a snail.”
Li Wu asked: “Is it just with me, or are you like this with all men?”
Cen Jin didn’t hide anything: “I don’t know.”
After all, Li Wu was the only man she’d had more than a normal relationship with since her divorce.
But this answer made Li Wu slightly agitated: “You still think I’m too young, don’t you?”
Cen Jin thought for a while, mind blank: “Maybe.”
The chat interface fell silent for a long time.
The youth was utterly frustrated: “Cen Jin, no one could be more hurtful than you, giving me a chance then pushing me away. This summer, I’ve been nothing but a joke.”
Suddenly hearing him call her full name, Cen Jin’s heart tightened: “Without you this vacation, I might have fallen into depression.”
Li Wu asked: “So I was only valuable to you this summer?”
Cen Jin denied: “It’s not like that.”
He seemed to completely ignore her reply, as if he’d been holding back for a century, venting one message after another in the chat box: “I’m starting university, I can’t do anything about it, won’t be able to see you anymore, and you’ll be taken away by someone else.”
The youth’s sudden emotions were like a midsummer downpour, too intense and suffocating. Cen Jin was at a loss, only able to try to comfort him: “I’m not some object that can be taken away, and you don’t belong to me either. You’re just having pre-university anxiety. Please calm down?”
Li Wu stopped responding.
Looking at the dead silence of the WeChat interface, Cen Jin grew restless. She had wanted to let Li Wu calm down on his own, but she discovered that this self-restraint only made her more anxious. After glancing at the wall facing Li Wu’s room for the fifth time, Cen Jin got out of bed, grabbed her crutches, and slowly made her way to his door.
She knocked once, and without waiting for a response, said softly, “It’s me.”
Hurried footsteps immediately came from inside, and the door quickly opened. She met his deep black eyes, like a patch of starry night that one could easily lose their footing in.
Seeing her condition, the youth’s seemingly gloomy expression instantly softened, like a crumpled paper smoothing out. He moved closer to her, giving her no chance to react before his arms went under her armpits, lifting her off the ground.
Bang! The crutches crashed directly onto the floor, extremely loud in the quiet night.
“What are you doing?” Suddenly lifted off her feet, Cen Jin let out a startled gasp.
“Watching you walk like that hurts,” the youth replied in a muffled voice, then made no further movement, just setting her down to sit on his bed before going back to retrieve the crutches, grumbling: “Been hurting for a month.”
Cen Jin felt a lump in her throat: “I’m recovering very well, I’ll be able to walk normally in three months, back to being a normal person.”
Li Wu sat down beside her, elbows resting on his legs, saying nothing and not looking at her, just staring at the floor, or his shoes.
Cen Jin was all too familiar with his withdrawn state. She couldn’t help but laugh, looking around for conversation topics.
She noticed the suitcase by the wall and asked, “Got everything packed?”