Every expert candidate needed to find out the reasons why they fought.
No expert pilot exhibited any uncertainty about their purpose because each of them had gone through this crucial cycle.
Without a reason to fight and without an ideal to uphold, why should they wield the extraordinary power that came with becoming a demigod?
Every expert pilot stood for something!
Every expert pilot excelled at something!
Every expert pilot was willing to die for something!
Until every expert candidate resolved their doubts and inner struggles in order to define these qualities, their half-formed force of will would never achieve the purity required to trigger a breakthrough.
These challenges had stopped every expert candidate in the Larkinson Clan from transitioning into actual expert pilots.
In fact, their conditions weren't unusual. There were plenty of expert candidates who enjoyed much better conditions who never gained this life-changing opportunity.
No matter how much advice they received, not even other high-ranking mech pilots could help these candidates shape their own wills.
This was because they ultimately had to solve their doubts by themselves. If expert candidates let others think on their behalf, then they lacked the will to fight on their own. Such weak mech pilots would never be able to channel the force of will of an actual expert pilot.
It didn't matter what kind of principles or ideals an expert pilot eventually adopted. Good or evil, broad or narrow, personal or aspirational, as long as they made their choices and dedicated their entire wills to them, they became worthy to transcend into a higher state of life!
In this important junction where the avatar of the terrifying spiritual entity known as the Unending One threatened Ves and every Larkinson that Jannzi cared about, she resolved her last remaining doubt.
The issue she struggled with was one related to morality. As a space knight specialist who tried to embody the knightly ideals, Jannzi's ideals weren't completely compatible with the interests of the clan.
The Larkinson Clan may present itself as honorable, but in practice it still took after its founder and leader in some aspects.
In addition, the clan also didn't pursue a noble mission, unlike the Larkinson Family.
In the past, Jannzi was proud to be a Larkinson. Their family rightfully earned a lot of honor due to the selfless sacrifices of its mech pilots. The Larkinson Family had always fought for the Bright Republic! That was one of the core pillars of its identity!
The clan lacked this purpose, and that showed. The Larkinsons, unmoored by any notions of serving a state, began to look after their own interests. Starting from Ves, the clansmen began to adopt a considerably more selfish mindset.
Sometimes, they worked to better the entire clan. Other times, they only wanted to channel more benefits to their own clique or faction.
What was even more egregious to Jannzi was when her clansmen exhibited pure selfishness and solely sought to strengthen themselves even if it came at the detriment of other clansmen!
How could Jannzi feel proud of herself for standing up for these bastards who didn't deserve her protection?
It was not easy to be someone's shield!
Space knights had to sacrifice much to dedicate themselves to their roles. Their mechs may be armed with swords or other weapons, but their offensive power was dreadfully weak. Their machines moved slower than any other mech and their main strength did nothing to solve their lack of agency in battles.
When it came down to it, knight mechs mostly served as movable cover. The truth about instilling knightly ideals to mech pilots who specialized in piloting defensive mechs was just to indoctrinate them into accepting their role.
Knight mech specialists like Jannzi not only had to pilot mechs that mainly spent their time in battles by absorbing hits, they also had to like it! Without a lot of patience and tolerance, knight mech pilots wouldn't be able to accept their role in earnest.
This was also what she struggled with. It was one thing to be patient and tolerant if her efforts benefited the people who lived in a state. It was another thing to do the same when she solely fought for some self-serving clansmen!
Of course, not everyone in the Larkinson Clan was bad. Whether they were trueblood or adopted, she developed a favorable impression of many fellow clansmen.
Each of them adopted the Larkinson ideals and fought for their new comrades. The Avatars of Myth developed a strong brotherhood culture where every Avatar mech pilot watched out for each other.
She always felt warmth in her heart when she was with her fellow Avatars.
However, that did not mean she was eager to protect the more self-serving members of the clan. Chief among them was Ves. She spent enough time around him to know that while he had offered a lot of opportunities for the clan, he mainly sought to cultivate his own army.
Was she willing to dedicate herself to serve this selfish cause?
Was she willing to condone the more questionable decisions of Ves and the clan?
A leader who truly cared about his people would never choose to go on an excursion into the Nyxian Gap. The dangers were unimaginable here and every gain came at the cost of human lives.
This entire trip was an exercise in selfishness as far as she was concerned!
The main reason why she agreed to join the task force was because she worried about her fellow Larkinsons.
Now, in this incredibly dangerous moment where an overpowering whale monster threatened to kill off most if not all of the Larkinsons in the Nyxian Gap, she had finally discovered a truth about herself.
She loved her fellow Larkinsons! She wanted to protect them and shield them against the threats they weren't capable of facing by themselves.
Every Larkinson was kin to her. No matter their origins or motivations, once they called themselves a Larkinson, they were part of her family as far as she was concerned!
With the powerful grey monster crushing mechs with ease and moving to engulf the Scarlet Rose, Jannzi didn't care about whether her fellow Larkinsons deserved her protection.
It didn't matter. Whether they were worthy or not, whether she liked them or not, whether she supported their cause or not, family was family.
Just like in the Larkinson Family in the past, Jannzi would never forgive herself if she stood by and let the Larkinsons face a threat by themselves.
After resolving these final doubts in the midst of a crisis that had forced her to confront this issue, she had overcome the final remaining hurdle that held her back from transforming her force of will!
Now that her conviction grew was no longer burdened by doubts, her mind and will merged to a greater degree, encountering too little resistance to stop the immensely important process known to the mech community as apotheosis.
The transformation from mortal to divine was one of the most magical processes that people could experience.
Jannzi felt as if her will grew exponentially more powerful, breaking past the confines of her mind and expanding into the rest of her mech and beyond!
"I dedicate myself to protect my fellow Larkinsons! No matter how much we change, no matter what path we take, as long as they are my family, I shall carry my shield and put myself in the path of any enemy who wishes us ill! This is my creed!"
As soon as she announced those words, she gained an even greater burst of strength!
For the second time in her life, she was able to resonate with her own mech. That was very much apparent from how her Shield of Samar began to glow in a very characteristic manner!
Unlike her previous breakthrough, this was not a sign of forced resonance. Her promotion to a higher rank did not lend her strength that she was not able to retain at the end.
This time, her heavily-customized Aurora Titan mech glowed with the warmth and stability of true resonance!