Deng Ying lowered his sleeve and asked softly: “Have you been crying?”
Yang Wan shook her head, “What right do I have to cry?”
She took a breath and said, “Deng Ying.”
“Mm?”
“When His Majesty questioned me, I thought I could change something, that I could help you, help my sister, help Secretary Zheng. But in the end, I helped no one. I feel like such a presumptuous fool…”
“How do you know you didn’t help them?”
Yang Wan gave a short laugh.
“Secretary Zheng is dead, sister is imprisoned – what help did I give them?”
Deng Ying shook his head, “Without you, Secretary Zheng would have been executed by slow slicing by the Northern Investigation Office, Consort Ning would have been secretly granted death, and the young prince would have forever lost the emperor’s heart, given to other consorts to raise. The outcomes may look the same, but the degree of tragedy and the wounds to people’s hearts are different.”
He looked down at Yang Wan’s hands as he spoke, “Just like back then in the torture chamber at South Lake – if you hadn’t linked pinky fingers with me, telling me you would come find me, asking me to wait for you, my whole life might have been much harder.”
Yang Wan sniffled, “Do you think I changed anything?”
“Yes.”
Deng Ying nodded, “The Great Ming Dynasty has existed for nearly a hundred years. In a hundred years of imperial rule, talents have emerged in every generation, remarkable figures too numerous to count. Yet never has anyone been able to use their power alone to clear political ailments and save the common people. At most they are like Yang Zixi, knowing the difficulty but pressing forward, striving to treat one layer of the illness. As for someone like me…”
He looked at Yang Wan, smiling gently, “I told you before that I don’t want those who serve the country to die tragically, but in truth, Wanwan, I’ve done less than you. You know where the court’s root problems are tangled, and without needing grand gestures, you can unpick them. If you still blame yourself despite this, how should I view myself?”
He let out a soft breath after speaking, “When Lord Yang returns, His Majesty will likely reward him. If you want to leave the palace, let him request permission to take you home.”
“I have no home.”
She suddenly responded, then quickly added after realizing: “I promised sister I would take good care of Yi Lang. I will watch over him, and you too.”
Deng Ying raised his hand to support Yang Wan’s chin, letting her lean more comfortably.
“Don’t watch over me. Let me watch over you and the young prince.”
Having heard these words, Yang Wan clenched her fingers behind Deng Ying’s back.
“Deng Ying, when I watch over him, I’m just a palace servant tending to a prince’s daily needs. But if you watch over him, in others’ eyes, you’ll be like He Yixian, involved in the next reign’s factional struggles.”
“Yes, I understand.”
“Deng Ying!”
Yang Wan interrupted him, standing up directly, “Even if you enter factional struggles for Yi Lang’s sake, Yi Lang won’t treat you well! Zhang Cong, Huang Ran, and the others have been teaching him since he was very young to avoid eunuch disasters and strictly control palace eunuchs. He’s not the current emperor – when he grows up, he won’t leave you any room to maneuver!”
Deng Ying looked up at Yang Wan, “I know.”
Yang Wan’s gaze softened, “Then why…”
“The Ceremonial Office won’t willingly watch the young prince ascend the throne, and His Majesty’s connection to He Yixian runs too deep – who can say if he will sway imperial will? If I retreat at this time, the young prince and people like Yang Zixi will suffer even deeper persecution.”
Yang Wan’s voice trembled, “I understand everything you’re saying, but…”
“Are you worried others won’t understand?”
“No.”
Yang Wan grew somewhat anxious. “They all understand, but they consider themselves above you and won’t lower themselves to acknowledge you.”
“That’s not necessary, Wanwan.”
He smiled gently at Yang Wan, “I’ve always agreed that for politics to be clear, servants must be strictly regulated and not allowed to interfere in politics. It’s only because politics isn’t clear now that I can’t care about such things. I want to act first, and afterward, I’ll give up this position. You don’t like seeing me wear these official robes, right?”