Hearing this, Chen Hua couldn’t help but laugh, nodding, “Miss Wan speaks true.”
After speaking, he took his leave: “We’ll be going too. Thank you for your trouble, Miss Wan. If you need anything, send Li Yu to find me at the Fuel Office, or you can go to the Clothing Bureau to find Sizan yourself.”
Yang Wan bowed to him, “I understand, thank you.”
After seeing Chen Hua and the others off, a wind suddenly rose.
Yang Wan returned to the inner room, closing the doors and windows.
Deng Ying still sat quietly on the bed, lifting his arms and repeatedly fretting over the sleeves of his garment. Seeing Yang Wan enter, he quickly hid his hands under the covers.
Yang Wan leaned against the door, “Stop looking, it’s just that I made mistakes when sewing, it’s not the wearer’s problem.”
She sat down beside Deng Ying’s bed and pulled out his hidden hands, “I’ll help you wash up in a bit, keep it for wearing at home when you’re cold. Take it off now, have a bath, and we’ll eat.”
“Wan Wan.”
“Mm?”
Deng Ying seemed at a loss, “I… where do I bathe…”
Seeing his helpless expression, Yang Wan spoke gently, “Originally wanted Li Yu to take you to the communal bath, but I accidentally upset him earlier. Fortunately, he heated the water, I’ll bring it in and let you bathe in the room.”
Deng Ying’s fingers gripped slightly, he didn’t speak, just unconsciously curled up his legs.
Though he and Yang Wan had been intimate before, she had never truly seen this body he despised. The half-remaining cartilage from his punishment years ago had now sprouted anew, making him increasingly self-loathing. He pressed his knees tightly together, unconsciously reaching toward the punishment scars.
However, before he could touch them, Yang Wan grabbed his hand through the blanket.
“You’re a patient, you can’t.”
She pulled his hand out, joining it with the other, holding both together.
“Everyone has moments of wretchedness, places they’d rather not show. Deng Ying, even if I see your wounds, I’ll only love you more, and cherish you more. Though you don’t know it, I’ve revered you alone, presumptuous as it may be, for many years. I’m so grateful that now I finally have the chance to comfort you with my own hands.”
Deng Ying lowered his head, looking at his wrists held in Yang Wan’s hands.
“That place is really…”
“Is it as ugly as the clothes I made?”
Yang Wan laughed, bending down close to his face, “Little Deng Ying, stop talking, your ear is already twitching.”
“What?”
Just as Deng Ying was about to raise his hand to touch his ear, Yang Wan pressed it down, “You’re very afraid, aren’t you?”
“I’m not.”
“Did you know that when you’re uneasy, one of your ears moves?”
Deng Ying’s palms lay flat on his knees, awkwardness leaving him speechless, yet feeling compelled to cover it up, he could only helplessly ask her, “Which… which ear moves?”
“Can I stay here?”
Yang Wan interrupted him, softly repeating, “Little Deng Ying, can I stay and help you while you bathe?”
Deng Ying lowered his head, remaining silent for a long while.
Yang Wan also stopped speaking, quietly holding his wrists and waiting.
Outside, the water on the stove had boiled, the lid rattling with bubbling sounds.
“Wan Wan.”
Deng Ying called to Yang Wan.
“Mm.”
Deng Ying hesitated, then looked up at Yang Wan, “Didn’t you… tell me to listen to you?”
Yang Wan’s eyes curved in a smile as she took his hand, “Good, come down, I’ll go get the water.”
That day, through the warm water, Yang Wan saw for the first time the most substantial harm the Ming Dynasty had inflicted upon Deng Ying.
It wasn’t a hideous place, but it was enough to discipline him into a humble and lonely man.
Deng Ying closed his eyes and soaked silently in the water, each of Yang Wan’s touches on his body almost triggering a fine tremor.
Yang Wan leaned on the edge of the tub, gently gathering his hair that lay scattered on his shoulders.
“Let me tie it in a bun for you.”
She stood up, taking out her own hairpin, gathering Deng Ying’s hair while saying, “Deng Ying, I’ve seen it now, it’s just as I imagined. From now on, you’re not allowed to say those things anymore.”
Deng Ying’s voice was slightly unsteady, “Wan Wan, what you’ve given me is no longer just pity for a servant.”
Yang Wan turned her wrist, inserting the hairpin into Deng Ying’s hair.
“It never was. Deng Ying, since I woke up by the lake, I’ve never been afraid of anything, except you.”
She looked down at Deng Ying’s neck, “The only thing I feared was not being able to save you. At first, I feared not being able to save your life, then I feared not being able to protect your dignity, but now…”
She looked at Deng Ying’s “bun” and laughed, “I think heaven wasn’t blind in sending me to find you. Deng Ying, thankfully I came, really, thankfully I came.”