Once the car came to a halt, Xia Ruyun stepped out with a careful look in each direction. Notebook in hand, she slung her bag over her shoulder before meeting back up with Gao Qian on the other side of the car. Following Gao Qian, she made her way into the audition hall where she checked in and took a seat. Uninterested in the rest of the competition, she kept her attention on her notebook where she did some final passes while waiting for her turn.
Perking up as she heard her name get called after about an hour, Xia Ruyun closed her notebook and nodded to Gao Qian. Curious whispers began breaking out at the other tables, but she tuned them out as she walked to the audition room.
“Xia Ruyun, it really is you.” A man in the center of the panel tapped his pen. A quick adjustment of his glasses later, he flipped to a fresh page. “I’m Zhang Jingsong, as you probably already know from Gao Qian. Pleased to meet you, I hope your skills are still as good as three years ago. Please start by performing the routine we gave you.”
Not even given a chance to talk, Xia Ruyun just shrugged and followed Zhang Jingsong’s words. The show itself was a historical drama, and the role she auditioned for was the female lead’s chief strategist. Thus, the first part consisted of her moving through some basic movements: shuffling scrolls around, unfurling a map, and other ‘strategist-like’ actions.
After she had finished the initial routine, he asked her to read the few lines the character would have through the entire show, act out a couple other motions, and to slip the costume over her clothes. For the costume, he only wanted to see how it looked on her—and if he would need to change anything—so he just had her repeat a couple basic actions once she put it on. Taking thorough notes throughout the process, his hand kept moving through the entire fifteen minute process.
Good... Very good. Outstanding even.
These few thoughts ran through his mind. He could already see the show taking shape with Xia Ruyun in this supporting role. Her uncanny ability to manipulate the subtlest parts of her body brought her into the role's mindset like no other. While there were mistakes for sure—more than a fair few of them to be honest too—flashes of her old skills still shone through like a brilliant sun. The almost imperceptible eyebrow twitches while shuffling papers clued him into the stress of the job while the faint shuffling of her feet while making decisions highlighted the character’s lack of confidence.
Sure, she was the rawest talent of all the auditioning actresses right now, but her ceiling was the highest. He, as the director, would bring it out, his pride dictated it.
Though he would need to hire a dietician for Xia Ruyun to get her body back from its current emaciated state...
His poker face, though, left Xia Ruyun unaware of these thoughts.
As the fifteen minutes came to a close, she watched as the judges noted down their final thoughts. After about thirty seconds of deliberation, the judges gave her a collective “thank you.” Xia Ruyun, unsure how to interpret their words and looks, just did a quick bow before taking off the costume, picking up her bag, and leaving the room.
Now back in the main hall, Xia Ruyun felt her heart prickle with an unfamiliar feeling as a little demon of dark thoughts peeked its head out. Yearning clenched her heart and squeezed it with self-doubt.
Did I... do enough?
Hesitant—and not totally sure what she was feeling—she turned and glanced back towards the audition room’s doors one last time. With her heartbeat accelerating and breath hitching, she quashed the prickling feeling before meandering off in search of Gao Qian. Without much to say once they were reunited, she just walked out and returned to the car.
---
“I'll let you know if any updates come, don’t worry,” Gao Qian twisted around in her seat at the stoplight to make eye contact with Xia Ruyun. “Just like the old days. Stay confident, I think we have a good chance though; especially considering you seemed to have prepared so much in advance.”
Unsure, Xia Ruyun just nodded. She had a mild-at-best confidence in her own skills, but it was far outweighed by her knowledge of the acting industry. It was a fickle place, directors often chose cast members off of recommendation and name power. Neither of which she had much of anymore.
She still remembered how she got into the acting industry—her ‘name power.’ Having already won a Golden Singer of the Year award, it was easy enough to have a director take a chance on her for a supporting role. Back then, she hadn’t even auditioned. Just expressing some interest online had gotten the director to message her and offer a spot.
Pessimistic about her chances, Xia Ruyun stared out the window.
It’s fine, anyway.
Having come out and given the audition her best shot, she was... satisfied?
A faint imp-like demon leapt around in the back of her mind, but the sound of the road drowned out the thoughts it could shout. Though not rich, her savings from her music days—plus her royalties—gave her enough to live on.
With those thoughts swirling around her mind, she stayed quiet through the ride back. Delivered back to her apartment complex by Gao Qian, she gave her thanks and disappeared back into the apartment building.
Gao Qian, watching from the seat of her car, rested her chin on her hands while watching Xia Ruyun’s brown hair sway in the wind while she walked off. As the apartment building’s door closed behind her, Gao Qian massaged her eyebrows as a long sigh left her lips. She wondered if she’d ever see her again. If she didn’t pass this audition, the chance of getting her to do another was... slim.
It wasn’t impossible, but the company might take this rejection as the reason to just terminate Xia Ruyun’s contract. Having signed her so many years ago, the terms in her contract were, in all honesty, quite a bit better than the contracts of the present.
Xia Ruyun, ignorant of Gao Qian’s internal dilemma, wanted to run back to her apartment and disappear back into bed. Because other people existed though, she kept up her appearances and kept her travel speed to a brisk walk. Arriving outside her door, she fumbled with the key to unlock it. A couple of awkward seconds later, she yanked the door open, bolted in, and slammed it closed behind her.
“Why am I so bad...” Xia Ruyun leaned against the door as her voice quivered. Feeling her throat and nose clog up as tears welled up in her eyes, she slid to the floor as the day’s stress caught up to her. Sliding to the floor, she buried her face in her hands.
Tears trickled down between her fingers as scenes from the earlier audition replayed in her mind. A flub here, a misstep there, and general mess ups all around. She should’ve prepared harder for the audition’s actual acting. Instead of laying in bed for fifteen hours of the day, she should’ve prepared for fifteen hours of the day. Or at least twelve...
This was her chance after all.
From the moment the apartment complex came back into view, the little demon in the back of her mind clawed its way to the front. The rundown apartment building she had called home for the past two years was the starkest reminder of... what could’ve been. She could’ve been in the star-studded mansions with the private jets and the evening galas; yet, here she was.
She knew in the deepest depths of her heart. She knew she wanted to return to the world of bright flashes, behind-the-scenes friendships, and, most of all, loving fans.
And... the door hadn’t closed yet. A crack of light still shone through.
After getting a brief taste of showbiz life once more, Xia Ruyun couldn’t help but desire it again. Desire clawed at her. Now, though, back in the darkness of her own apartment, she hoped she hadn’t squandered her chance. Her chest hurt. Her heart hurt.
If she had... Well, maybe her agency wouldn’t drop her right then and there?
Still squatting by the door, Xia Ruyun smeared her makeup while wiping her tears away. Letting her book bag fall to the floor, she took a few slow breaths while composing herself. Her apartment greeted her with the same comforting disorganization as always: empty food boxes, ripped open delivery packages, and strewn about clothing.
Home... sweet home.
Worn after her little outburst of emotion, she pulled off her sandals before dragging herself to the bathroom. After cleaning herself off and changing her clothes, she returned to her home base: her bed.
Maybe some sleep was in order...
Even she was cognizant of the day’s toll on her mind. By now, her emotions couldn’t be described as going through ‘mood swings’—it’d be more apt to categorize them as ‘seismic shifts.’
So, with the day’s events digging their nails into her heart, she curled up in bed. Ignoring the few wet streaks trailing down her face, she pressed her eyes closed. She hugged a pillow and wished, from the bottom of her heart, for a better tomorrow.