Chapter 102: Chapter 102 Grief "That bitch sure has no fear." I hear Lucas remark, but I can’t manage a response. I’m dazed.
"What the hell are you smiling about?" Lucas asks, looking at me confusedly. "That it was thoughtless of me to get rid of such a good amusement." I say, my eyes still lingering where she had been standing a while ago.
TWO HOURS LATER
"Cancel her suspension by next week." I say to the principal. He gawks at me. His brows pinching behind his way too large spectacles.
"But you said to suspend her indefinitely." He said.
"You added that on your own."
It’s true. I knew that posting that video would get her suspended. I even told the principal to make sure that she does not get pardoned. But I sure as hell never said indefinitely.
"B. .But it would be too early. And it would not be without raised eyebrows even amongst the disciplinary committee. What would the other students think?"
"You’re worried about that shit?" I say with a light sneer. "Need I remind you why did not get incarcerated for embezzling school funds four years ago?" His expression immediately becomes cold and panicky.
He remembers all too well how I had killed his instigators two years ago. It is one of the few personal murders I had committed that is out of my own volition. I can still recall how desperate he had been. It was none of my business. But then I had decided to lend a helping hand.
It did not take more than a minute before he accepted the deal after I made it. And that was how he sold his soul to me. I killed his nephew who had been the one instigating for his removal with claims of embezzlement which were most likely true. I had gotten rid of him in a clean way that not even the best police detectives found traces of foulplay. I had made his death look like an accident; A fatal DUI so this man right here would not be accused and blamed for killing his own nephew. For him being able to keep his position as the school’s head, he agreed to a deal that would always allow me to make behind closed doors decisions that benefits me.
The very few who are aware of how I influence the school’s decision making like the disciplinary committee members that he had personally handpicked and put in those positions after the fiasco with his nephew might think it is because of my hefty donations to the school.
But only the both of us actually know the reason why he puts an approval stamp on whatever I say.
GWENETH
Song Recommendation; Fade to black by Metallica
I went home and locked myself in my room, crying out my eyes out, thinking I could cry out my grief and despair along with it.
But it only got worse. It was like strong crashing waves pulling me under. The only most important thing in my life was gone in an instant.
Indefinitely.
That means there would be no telling when I would be called back. If I would be called back.
Now I understand people who commit suicide. The only thing that is stopping me is the hope that maybe somehow I can manage to work on getting another scholarship to another school next year. More pain slices through me at the thought of what I have lost.
The days blend. Dad was away with his fellow detectives to some County to track down a criminal. Mom does not speak to me.
There was no one to realize that I am not okay. I thought she would know about the suspension because her name and number is written along with Dad’s on my school registration file. Mom did not say anything.
Neither has Dad. Which means they have not been called by the school. I don’t know if I should feel glad about it.
It would only be just a matter of time though.
Grief they say comes in five stages; Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. But mine is crashing in all at once.
Inseparably.
I had gone to the martial arts studio yesterday for my usual training sessions. It was the first time that I’m stepped out in three days.
I was at the training when I suddenly burst out crying.
I could not bring myself to answer when they asked what the problem was. I don’t know if I would be going there any time soon.
Today is the fifth day since my suspension. I’m counting down to when mom or Dad would find out that I’m actually locking myself up in my room instead of going to school.
The stage of grief is now starting to become clear. Anger, that is what I feel now.
Angry at him and at myself for confronting him so arrogantly. What was I expecting? That he would actually listen to me and become less of a jerk
And now he has stomped over all my dreams and effort. Crushing them to road dust. It is all my fault. I should have just apologized.
Had I done that, maybe he would have rescinded the video and my suspension.
I cried again. I can’t count how many times now. But my throat still feels choked by it. Through the crying, I come up with might be a solution.
I and Mom still did not speak to each other when she came home that evening. Barely even answered when I greeted her. I wasn’t bothered, because I have important matters to take care of. The few, small fork portions of frittata I had forced down my throat were redundant because my stomach was full and tight. I hold Percy in my arms to play with him for a little while.
His incredible fragile softness and baby smell clearing a little of my mind’s troubles. He smiles that sweet and selfless innocent smile of his, completely unaware of my predicament.
I put him to sleep a few minutes later. Dad had not come home for five days now. I’m a little worried. But it is not unusual. Mom being this peaceful and quiet means she has heard from him and is aware of his whereabouts.
He must be on a really tough criminal case again. I’m very glad that he has not been coming home because he is way too attentive and scrutinizing for his own good.